Why Wait?

Why wait? An Introduction to my life in waiting...

Waiting? What does that even mean? Waiting for what? Waiting for my soul-mate to magically appear? Waiting for the PERFECT job to land in my lap? Waiting for my brother and my friends to start having babies...while my biological clock ticks away? What am I waiting for? Good Question, inner-self. But...yep, I'm waiting for all of those things to reveal themselves, while I live my life, love as hard as I can, and drink some wine along the way.

I am writing this blog, because I began my new job yesterday--and had some down time, and decided to search "Big vs. Aiden" because I have always compared the two loves of my life to these men; And what you need to know about me, is if I start thinking...i'll start stalking. Why DID Carrie choose Big? Was Aiden too boring? OMG- I treat Carrie Bradshaw as if she was real, but lets admit, she has some bad ass advice. Sorry, let's get back on track. My ADD kicked in for a minute. Well, I was searching "Big vs. Aiden" and a GOD SENT Blog came my way. It is called "How I met your Father" http://howimetyourfatherblog.blogspot.com/. And Holy moly, this girl speaks not only my language, but I might have a twin in Philly. I started reading about "Ex-College and Sequel" and how she blogs about her love life, fashion advice, and daily drama. Eeeek. We could be best friends. So, Little Miss Can't be Wrong...Thank you for your inspiration...and your love of Carrie Bradshaw.

Well, let's get into my life, why don't we? I am currently in a sort-of relationship of a year. We will call him Lon (like from the notebook)   Let's face it, I am a hard one to handle, and I have put this poor boy through an immense amount of confusion. One day I feel like I am ready to take the next step, and the next day I am filled with thoughts of the ex...we'll call him Hubbell (Those of you who don't know Hubbell, Carrie quoted him when referring to Mr. Big. Robert Redford played him in "The Way We Were")

I use these two specific characters to describe the two men I currently have feelings for..because their looks, personalities and their relationship with the woman in each movie relates to how I am with each of them.

Exhibit A: I met Hubbell in college, and we lived next door to one another. He was the hot shot soccer player, and I was your typical sorority girl. I had met him a year before at a social, but we were both with other people. A year later, we end up as neighbors, yet don't meet again until we both were single and on the prowl one night in a bar (sounds icky..but it really wasn't) We ended up hanging out all night, and sharing a taxi together home. He conveniently had lost his keys, and had to stay the night at my place. I refused to stay with him...and I refused to be THAT girl. NO ONE wants to be THAT girl...and I have to give it to him, he worked really hard to make me THAT girl, but I am what you call classy. If I was looking for a Noah, I had to act like an Ally. He was quite annoying for a couple of months, and pursued me endlessly until I agreed to go on a date...which I refused to call a date. And something happened during the hour and a half movie showing of "Ghost of Girlfriend's Past"...he held my hand and it felt like fireworks. I was smitten ever since. He had my heart, yet he changed his mind (and this wouldn't be the first time). He went back to an ex-girlfriend, we'll call Plain Jane. It was safe, easy, and he couldn't let her go. So I went on with my summer. He decided to play games, tug on my heart, send texts, stare me down at the bar, call me, show up at my window...yet still couldn't choose me. It took that boy 6 months to make up his mind about me, and he finally decided to leave her, and be with me. We dated for three years (total) and we broke up a year ago this time. He told me that he thought I was ready to get married, and that he just wasn't ready. His most famous line is..."I want to be with you forever, I'm just not ready". Wow. Wish I could have known that maybe a year in you idiot. Thanks. We were very passionate for one another, and had unbelievable chemistry, but we fought hard. We would say terrible things to one another, but never mean them, and we couldn't handle our jealousy. It was toxic. My very best friend, we'll call her Miranda (And she will kill me if she reads this, and knows her name is Miranda...but who does Carrie call her VERY best friend? Miranda. They had a connection like no other--so for that fact alone, she is Miranda. And no she is not a ginger, she is a beautiful brunette) well she would tell you, because she has lived with me through my entire relationship with Hubbell...and she has seen it change me as a person, and I would cry constantly, because he was never what I needed him to be. I was sickly in love with him, yet he was always unsure of me. I think that he was constantly looking for something better, and his temper, foul language, and hurtful actions didn't help with a low self esteem. The confidence I had once had, had been shot because I fell hard for someone that left me for...we'll call her Marley (after Bob Marley...) 

Exhibit B: Not a week after Hubbell and I ended things, Marley and him were popping up all over Stalkbook  Facebook. Wow. Nice move, "not wanting a relationship". So, I cried myself to sleep...several nights, let the rejection sink in, and spoke to God about what I needed to do in order to love myself again. I picked myself up, and began to live again, single. I hadn't been single, really single since well I was in 8th grade. First there was Chipper (Jones..he played baseball) then there was Edward (Norton...they could have been twins) and then there was Hubbell. I think even though all three were long-term relationships, I was only ever really in love with Hubbell...damnit. Well, like I said...I was single and ready to mingle, and go out...I had been spending my Saturday's watching Hubbell play soccer, and never went out..so I get my girls together and we go out for Margaritas. There, my friend, we'll call her Cloves (she loves smoking those disgusting things) tells me that I have to meet her friend, Lon. He is a little bit of a frat star, but she knows that we will hit it off. So, he gets my number from her, and we begin texting after we both check out each other's facebook...you HAVE to be attracted to the person..plus I like putting a face with a name in my phone. Well, it was the day after Christmas, and a couple of months away from Hubbell, I was ready to meet Lon. He invited me to a little house party he was having, and I drug one of my best friends with me, we'll call her Samantha (SATC) because if he was a creeper we were headed to the bars. So, a bottle of wine later, we truck over to his house and meet face-to-face for the first time. After that night, we were inseparable. Right when I met him, I remember thinking "Wow. He is super cute. OMG! He is opening my wine for me? He has a wine opener? He has wine glasses? I can see myself hanging out here, laying on the couch with him...OMG his dog is precious" Once again, the ADD kicked in. He took me on a date the next day, and I remember running up to my roommate's room (We'll call her Charlotte) screaming that I am finally ready to be happy again, and Lon was making me so happy. Now we were perfect as perfect could be until February. Eff'n Hubbell. Stay away. Don't do this to me again. You left me for someone, you seemed happy...let me be happy. All he wrote was this:

"Carrie...I can't stop thinking about you. I think about you everyday, you, your family. It's unbelievable. I miss you so much. I am so upset right now thinking about you." 

Love,

The asshole Hubbell

 

Wow, that's really awesome you felt the need to tell me that. Thanks for sensing I was happy, and then creeping back in my head, and ruining it all. And what did I do? I told him that I missed him too, and that I thought about him often...and every nice thing Lon started doing, made me wish that it was Hubbell. For goodness sake, there is something wrong in my brain to think I wanted a fighting, dysfunctional relationship that settled on drive thru pick ups (me paying) over a real gentleman, that found it appropriate to walk me to the door and wait three dates to kiss me...yet Hubbell had a hold on me like no other...and we will explore and diagnose, and figure out what I have done since the email in February, and why I am still in waiting for "cant eat, cant sleep, reach for the stars, over the fence, world series kind of love"

 

Hubbell always did say that I talked way too much...blogging just became my new best friend.