Bitter is the new black...

SO I am 10 days in this New Year...and I needed to make a decision with Lon. I just had to end things...for his sake and mine. I woke up Wednesday morning and had a long talk with God. I told him I needed clarity about Lon, and then I asked to just hear from Hubbell (yes, I am a weirdo...but I just needed to see if my heart was still working...and I hadn't completely turned into the Tin man...bc I haven't felt that flutter in a really long time)

Well, sure enough...my prayer was on a first class express delivery...because when I arrived at work I had a text message from my mom that read "I ran into Hubbell at Starbucks today" Hold on...let me throw up real quick...take a deep breath... and I calmly responded "Shut the front door" Keep in mind my mom has a very deep love/hate for Hubbell, and she has not seen him since we all went to dinner September 29th 2011. They were very close, but he treated me kind of like...um garbage. So she said that he was super nervous, and would barely look her in her eyes...what a scared little bitch poor guy. So...I just knew a text was coming...and sure enough he says..."I saw your mom at Starbucks..........." DUH! I know...she texted me probably as your were walking away...but I responded "Too funny!" He responds "I didn't just see her...we talked" He has got to know she told me...but I responded anyway..."She told me!" and he said "Ya :(" Don't give me that frown...you don't have the right to frown. P.S. I hope you burn your tongue on your Starbucks. Bitter much? Naw....I never responded.

But that little bit of conversation allowed me to feel that I am
A. Not the tin man
B. I am bitter
C. I needed to end things with Lon...because he just does not make me gitty and excited-- like I know that I can be in a relationship.

So. I went over to his house after work (BC I could literally throw a rock at his house) and we had a long talk about everything. I truly believe that honesty is the best policy in a situation like ours--because if not it will drag out. I learned that the sandwich effect is the way to approach any situation, letting somone know bad news.
1. Tell them why you are there--but tell them all positive things.
    I told Lon that I loved everything about him. He was sweet, kind, good looking, took care of me, loved me for me, etc.

2. Tell them the bad news
    I told Lon that we were lacking the "it" factor of a relationship--and for whatever reason, my full heart is not in this.

3. Provide more good news
    I told him that we have to trust that everything happens for a reason, and that some real time a part can only do us good. Maybe I will realize I am crazy about him--and can't live without him? Or maybe we will meet other people, that we were meant to be with. But we had to trust this was the best thing for us.

See...the sandwich effect. It always worked good with the parents of the students I was teaching... Your child is such a joy in class, but unfortunately he may have to repeat the second grade--he still cannot read..or write his name, But, I just know that he would make a great comedian one day, he is the class clown! Keeps us all laughing! Parents forget you're basically telling them their child is failing...because they are focusing on how the had such a funny kid! Smart advice.

But, I am going to try and stay strong these next few weeks--and keep telling myself something better is around the corner. Being alone isn't always bad. I would rather wait for the best, than settle on something that I know isn't. Although sometimes it is hard to deal with the single life-- when many of my friends are in relationships...But, in my tin man heart--I know the best is yet to come...as for now, I'll be a shining single.

New Year: New Me. Good riddance: Sad Goodbye

2013. I can feel it. It is going to be a great year. The greatest advice I have seen (on facebook) this year, that I can relate to would be this: Don't go into the new year holding a grudge from last year. Leave the hurts and disappointments behind. -Joel Osteen.

So, with that...I want to forgive Hubbell...and Marley...and say good riddance to both of them. This is a new year, and I don't need my past to creep in 2013. I want to leave it ALL in 2012. So, hopefully this year, we won't hear FROM Hubbell...we may hear ABOUT him...hopefully Marley and him will work out...and I will meet the man of my dreams. I'm thinking this is my year.

I am going to begin the New Year drama, stress, boyfriend and wine free. haha...That was a good one. But..really, I brought in my new year with all of my closest single girlfriends...and it was absolutely perfect. We payed 100 dollars bringing in 2013 with Yaht Rock and a beautiful Atlanta View at Park Tavern with thousands of our closest friends! It was the greatest NYE I have had in a while. Last year, I bought Zac Brown Band tickets for Hubbell and I...and he broke up with me (for the second time) right before...so I brought a good guy friend, and ended up sharing a very awkward and un-wanted kiss at midnight. So...I was really looking forward to a night with my best friends: Twin (the other me), Samantha, Crazy (she just is), and Charlotte. Miranda spent the night with her boyfriend, we'll call OCD (explains him perfectly). It was a perfect night. I made some gay best friends, met some new friends, and flirted my night away...until twin decided it was a good time to lay on the floor until we could find a taxi to go home. I guess when someone is on the floor it means it was a successful night...said no one ever...but we still had a blast...and both twin and I brought the new year in with NO NEW YEARS KISS! I wasn't looking for a random make-out with some drunk frat douche guy...and I didn't! GO CARRIE!!

And I am sure you are wondering about Lon...and why I wasn't with him. Well, Lon went out with some of his friends in Buckhead. Oh Lon. What is a girl to do? Here is where I must start 2013 off right. He is so perfect to me. He takes care of me, my friends, my family...he takes me on dates, he loves showing me off, he has such a drive (he is in pharmacy school), he loves the Lord...helloooo, earth to CARRIE. He is perfect. On paper. Why does he not give me that same feeling Hubbell did? It's like I want to want him so bad...and be with him, because I have never been treated so well...but he just doesn't give me butterflies. Like, I think I got into this because I was lonely after Hubbell...and absolutely loved the attention. I couldn't believe someone was this crazy about ME?...and I do think that God uses people in your life to show you what you what you are worth...and Lon has done that for me...but I know that there is just something missing...and I don't think that I will be able to give him everything that he deserves, and I think that I would be settling on a feeling that I know I can feel with someone else.


So. Tonight, Lon and I are talking. And I just don't know how I am going to do this...I really don't. I am sick over it, because I feel like I finally found a good one..and I'm scared I won't find someone that is going to treat me this well. BUT he just doesn't make my stomach turn or heart jump....and I love so hard...so I know the desires of my heart, and I know that I need that in there person I am going to spend the rest of my life with. My mom tells me you always want someone to love you more, but don't settle for anything less than butterflies. So, to start my new year off right, I think I am going to take some time to myself, and start my new year off single...if I can actually let him go.